Yes. It is true.
My name is Peter Petropoulakos, and I play World of Warcraft.
But here’s the deal, bitches. Before you cry “Renaissance Faire” on my ass, take a moment to think about something. Roughly 6.7 billion people on earth. Over 8 million World of Warcraft subscribers. That’s almost 2 hundredths of the world’s population on this game. Now, take into consideration that a lot of those players (3 million or so) are from China (where gold farming is all the rage), we can safely knock that back to 1 hundredth or so. But still, that’s a lot of fucking people.
Now do THIS math. Subscriptions to WoW are $15 a month, $13 or so if you pay yearly. So let’s assume that everyone is paying yearly, and discover with shock and awe that Blizzard is raking in $1,248,000,000 a year gross. That’s a billion two-five, folks. Minus expenses – and what would be rational for their expenses? 100 million, 200 million, a billion? I’ll give them a billion, between employees worldwide, tech development, support, servers, lattes and new pants for the CIO when he realizes that they still clear 248M a year.
Fuck al-Qaeda. Blizzard wants to take over the world.
And they start anew tomorrow with the Burning Crusade. And yes, it’s on order. Gamestop, you best pull an Amazon and ship my shit to me FOR the release date of 1/16, not ON the release date, or so help me jebus I’m going to pout and rail and complain to friends that pretend to care. Let’s face it, I can’t really claim to be able to do anything more. I’m not sure I’ll even pout.
For those of you that don’t get it, I don’t even know if I can explain it to you. WoW is to WoW players what crack is to junkies, what food is to fatties (sorry, the weight-challenged), what nicotine is to smokers, what pussòit is to me – it’s amazingly addictive. They don’t call it World of War-crack for nothing.
Why? Good question. I can’t even begin to answer that with… ok, you know when you’re a kid, and you learn that you can harness the power of the sun with a magnifying glass to wage death and destruction on those hapless ants in your grandmother’s yard? Remember the glee and almost sickening rapture on your faces during this discovery – the mad scientist-esque peals of laughter that would accompany the torment of those helpless, mindless black insects?
That’s why.
It’s like that every time you mine a copper deposit and find a blood shard. Every time you find Mankrik’s wife. Every time you rip open a pig to find a fanny pack, two swords and 85 cents. It’s amazing what pigs will eat.
It’s also annoying. I don’t know how many times I’ve been sent around the world with the instructions, “Go to the Hinterlands. Kill absolutely everything you see. Bring me back 10 feathers,” only to discover that after 6 hours and 45 minutes of bat flights that my reward is 40s and a two-handed sword my priest can’t even USE. Fuck you, Camp Mojache Brave!
And there’s so much to know, I feel like a moron when I play with my guildies. “You know where those quillboars are, right near RFK? Well you run past them, do an AoE on a rock there, and an elite mob pops out and drops Runed Rods.” Great. Can I skip that? I know when I press “1” I hit something. Past that, I’m done.
At any rate, at least I know I can get others hooked and not feel so bad – you know who you are, Karldalamort. And I know more than them – for now.
Now if I can just stop myself from making alts – after tomorrow. Blood Elf rogues, unite!