First of all, I need to say this: no designer should ever try to implement an ecommerce shopping cart without first having his head examined for holes. Secondly, there is something seriously wrong with me, aside from the obvious: once I get started on a problem, especially a sticky, troublesome problem, I have to finish it. Hence the end time for today’s work debacle.

Incidentally I’ve noticed that, in actuality, 95% of all people are fucking useless. Only 5% of us are working while the rest of the world plays Tetris and opens “hang in there!” attachments from their mom.

So, I’m offering 7 magic internet beans for the first person to comment the movie that the quote, “Fuck me gently with a chain saw,” comes from. And it’s not “Bambi.”

Speaking of fucking, you can find a pretty good list of definitions for this post’s title at the Urban Dictionary. My favorite is number 1. I didn’t know United was so hip. Way to fly the friendly skies, scrotum-punchers.

So Al Del Bene, one of my partners in crimedy, is in L.A. this week with another ass-muncher that used to be alive. They are hanging out, braiding each other’s hair and having paella. I’m not trying to suggest anything, just that they were holding hands when I called Rian today. I could smell it. It would be great if my posts had absolutely anything to do with anything. Instead they are just complete rambles from the inner workings of my obviously enormous but warped cerebral cortex of shame.

Care for a spin?