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In games

By petrostudio

a testament of sherlock’s turds

On 27, Apr 2013 | No Comments | In games, rants | By petrostudio

As I’ve mentioned before, I subscribe to Gamefly, which is essentially Netflix for games. I usually add games to my queue that I would not buy myself, or that didn’t strike me at first, but upon reading reviews, look interesting. I do, often times, find some gems along the way.

This is not one of them.

I love Sherlock Holmes. I have read every book and story in Doyle’s anthology at least twice, and am very interested in shows and movies that get their inspiration from the character. House was an interesting take (though, to be fair, I watched more for Lisa Edelstein than anything) and the Guy Ritchie films, whose work I usually abhor, are very good. Though, I have to say Sherlock from the BBC is far superior – most likely due to the stellar cast, writing and direction… you know, what makes “stuff” good.

So when I saw “The Testament of Sherlock Holmes” on Gamefly, and noticed that it had a 64 on Metacritic – not awful, but not great – I thought I’d give it a go.

It reminded me of “The Bourne Legacy“, which was also a turdburger. I enjoy Jeremy Renner, and think he could really pull off a good “Bourne”-like character, but the plot… oh, lord, the plot. It was one of those films that, during the watching, you just keep thinking, “They aren’t really going this direction, are they?” Like the thing in the terrible 2005 “War of the Worlds” that ended up killing the aliens… what was that? Oh, yeah, the AIR. At that point, you just want to walk out, drive to California and ask Spielberg himself for your $11 back.

So, I finished “Testament” because I had to. I really wanted to see how they were going to wrap up what was a ludicrous story, terrible gameplay and awful graphics. And they wrapped it up exactly as I thought they would, but turning the entire bus around and heading in a completely new direction. Actually, that’s not accurate – they actually drugged everyone to sleep on the bus, put it on a cargo ship, drove it across the ocean and then let it go again on another continent. When the people awoke, they had no idea where they were and how they got there, and really weren’t happy with either their journey or destination.

So, I beg you… I WARN you… ignore “Testament”. You don’t need to use any fancy methods of the famous detective to deduce this “game” is a crime.

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