So, our girl did not win an Emmy. Although, they don’t call it “winning” anymore, because everyone in Hollywood (as in preschool, apparently) has such low self-esteem that they can’t handle “losing.” Instead, I suppose, they just don’t receive the Emmy and someone else does. Don’t say win or lose. And certainly don’t follow that with “draw.” That brings up way too many painful New Year’s Eve party memories.

By the way, can you say MILF? I think the Academy just fears a woman who’s this pregnant and yet still this hot.

To be fair, I’ve never seen “The Amazing Race” and, frankly, don’t want to. Let me ask you this – what’s the point of a “race” when you have to stop, wait for the other competitors, and then perform some arcane, constructed set-piece? Doesn’t that negate the whole point of a “race?” Or maybe I’m just a moron.

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OK, I told you that story to tell you this one. I watched most of the Emmys (just why the hell I did that, I have no idea) and, more than any other time watching one of these celebrity-fests, it struck me: what a perfect image of posh, elite America. And the paradox is that most of Hollywood and its artist caste are considered to be Liberal. I know there is a liberal elite (at least I’m told it in the press, and I believe everything I am told like a good little Nazi) but the point is that the views that most “liberals” hold dear are only supported in the annals of power that is Hollywood. And let’s not even get into which party people SHOULD be voting for anyway, based on who is really representing their best interests (read this book, everyone.) I’m merely looking at who we associate with, politically.

Here’s the gist of it all – nearly everyone we look up to, nearly everyone that we hold up as “role models” for our political and moral viewpoints, who “speak our language” and “understand our problems,” are, most likely, nothing like us. They dwell in far-off places, globally or metaphysically, work in comfortable, though perhaps stressful, jobs, and live in a world that many, if not most of us, will never know.

It’s evident right on the screen, no matter what the event: the red carpet, the endless talk about what she’s wearing, how his hair looks, the fraudulent tone of the presentations and, finally, the after-parties. These parties make MTV’s Sweet 16 show look like a hooker convention in Trenton.

Here’s my point, dude, here’s my fucking point. There’s no reason, there’s no fucking reason why the hell we look up to any of these people – liberal, conservative, right-wing, left-wing, celebrity or political figure – when they can’t relate in the least to what our individual plights are. Why do we love to watch elitist, soulless television and movies, or listen to empty political pandering? We know its all lies, so why don’t we speak up?

Because its escapism. We escape our lives, and live in the nether world that is nothing… for a short time. We forget our troubles until they come thundering down the superhighway to knock us right back off our feet and back to work, where we do what? Talk to others about the shows we watched, the movies we saw, the news reports that we assimilated the night before. We don’t MAKE our own entertainment anymore – we watch it.

So I suggest that we do what I had to do as a kid – come home, do our homework and chores, eat dinner, and then go the fuck outside and play. Parents were right – television will rot your brain. And just as with Diet Coke, the damage to your memories can be permanent.

All that to say – please, America, think about stuff for a change. Think about people, and places, and things outside of your little corner of the world. And learn to see things like the news, the awards shows, the press conferences, the pundits, etc. for exactly what they really are: theater.

All the world’s a stage, a wise man once said. Direct yourselves, for once.

By the way, there are two movie quotes in this entry. Find them for a lolipop.