June 2006 - petrostudio LLC
As previously stated, I’m a video game fan. Want to play a lot more than I get to – need to play a lot less than I do (according to the wife.) It’s a Catch-22.
What a lot of people wonder is how grown men (and women, yes you know who you are) can still play these games, can still spend lots of money on these things, can take precious time away from other important activities like golf and television watching and eating ice cream to work your brain into a frenzy by playing incredibly addictive, pulse-pounding fun! Yeah, makes perfect sense to me, too.
Truth is, playing games as an adult is great. It’s a very social thing at that age. And not social in that teenage-giggling-at-the-man-that-just-fell-down way. I mean social in the fully grown men-giggling-at-the-man-that-just-fell-down way. There’s a difference. Seriously, games are something like a $30B industry. Thousands of grown men and women work at these comapnies creating this entertainment. And, like the movies, 95% of it sucks. And the vast majority of people that participate in that sucky content, like the movies, are morons… err, kids. Same diff.
So I love when an adult calls a kid out on something in a public forum. Take 3DRealms co-founder George Broussard, who recently announced on his company forums that the Xbox360 demo of the game “PREY” would be delayed due to testing at Microsoft. This was met with the usual backlash from the children out there that like to gripe at any adult when they are told that they’ve had enough ice cream for today, and it’s time to go to bed.
So the best part about it is the first reply to this announcement, by a moron… err, kid by the name of ‘FerretWave333.’ He states, and I quote, “I hate Microsoft and their gay testin department.” Not only is this full of wit and rife with… I can’t do it. I need a reload on my sarcasm gun. This kid’s a moron. Testing, Einstein.
Anyone who has even touched a game in the last 5 years, walked by an arcade on the boardwalk or, hell, been to a mall, ever, will understand how misguided, moronic youths (did you just say yout?) like FerretFucker5000 come to be born. You see, a mommy and a daddy who have way too much disposable income and not enough time invested in “parenting” slip and fall during a martini-induced party and accidentally procreate.
Seriously, that’s not really the reason why I started to write this entry. I mean, it seems that every entry I write is just me complaining about someth… wait a sec, it’s me! I forget I’m crotchety, sometimes.
There’s this incredible game about to hit the market called ‘Gears of War.’ I know, catchy Anyway, this is what the thing looks like:
And this is why I dig this stuff. Images like these pumping out of a console on the fly – this is 5% stuff. Top drawer. This is ‘Lord of the Rings’ good. ‘Chinatown’ good. ‘Godfather’ good. This is art. True art, in a different form.
Plus, there’s a chainsaw attached to the bottom of your machinegun! Fuckin’ A!
So I’m sitting here for several hours working on a project I no longer care about for a guy that I don’t really like (don’t think I ever did) and it hits me.
What the FUCK?
So I put myself on autopilot and crank the shit out, hoping to just finish and be done with it. This is not what I want to do with my life. This is not what I plan to do with my life. I’ve got Frou Frou’s “Let Go” on loop. It’s from the movie Garden State. Once again, go buy it right now. It’s brilliant. It’s one of those movies that makes me crazy when I watch it, truly moves me to say:
What the FUCK!
Every once in a while, a general malaise, a soft listlessness falls over me, and I wonder just what the hell I’m doing. I feel stuck, trapped, unable to move past my own accomplishments. Or perhaps unable to move over my failings. Who knows. Point is, it’s sentimental crap and I hate it. But the only way truly to beat it is to work, I’ve found. No pity, no breakdown, just work.
I write. I don’t write nearly enough, but I do write. I’m currently in the middle of two shorts (almost complete, going to shoot them as part of a feature next year) 2 features (I get started and distracted,) 2 more shorts (complete, ready to go,) 3 short stories (almost there,) and a novel. The novel is my favorite thing right now, a very Vonneguttian romp through whatever the fuck comes to my mind at any given time. I love it, and I enjoy writing it. But I don’t write it enough.
Shit gets in the way. I love video games. I love going to the movies (currently not so in love with watching movies at home, though.) I love hanging out with friends (even though most of them suck because they move away.) I love parentheses.
But mostly I have work to do. Like this piece of shit project.
(So make me feel like time marches forward, things change and people truly care. Comment.)
First of all, I need to say this: no designer should ever try to implement an ecommerce shopping cart without first having his head examined for holes. Secondly, there is something seriously wrong with me, aside from the obvious: once I get started on a problem, especially a sticky, troublesome problem, I have to finish it. Hence the end time for today’s work debacle.
Incidentally I’ve noticed that, in actuality, 95% of all people are fucking useless. Only 5% of us are working while the rest of the world plays Tetris and opens “hang in there!” attachments from their mom.
So, I’m offering 7 magic internet beans for the first person to comment the movie that the quote, “Fuck me gently with a chain saw,” comes from. And it’s not “Bambi.”
Speaking of fucking, you can find a pretty good list of definitions for this post’s title at the Urban Dictionary. My favorite is number 1. I didn’t know United was so hip. Way to fly the friendly skies, scrotum-punchers.
So Al Del Bene, one of my partners in crimedy, is in L.A. this week with another ass-muncher that used to be alive. They are hanging out, braiding each other’s hair and having paella. I’m not trying to suggest anything, just that they were holding hands when I called Rian today. I could smell it. It would be great if my posts had absolutely anything to do with anything. Instead they are just complete rambles from the inner workings of my obviously enormous but warped cerebral cortex of shame.
Care for a spin?
So I’m as tech-savvy as the next guy. Actually, the next guy is a complete moron (see previous posts) so I’m more tech-savvy than the next guy. I have both Macs (4) and PCs (2) in my home. Technically, one of those Macs and PCs are the same machine, but never mind about that.
All that to say, tech-savvy blokes like myself love free software. That’s why I’m excited about Windows Vista Public Beta 2. Not that I’m psyched to see all the new features that Microsoft is putting in that all 4 (count ’em) of my Macs already have, but because it’s free. And it’s new. It’s shiny and new. Come aboard. We’re expecting you.
New = good in computer-land.
So I will download it (it’s 3.2GB – crap in my pants) and try it out. You never know, it might be cool. I just hope that it doesn’t fuck up my games.
Finally, I gotta say that, last night (if you can call it ‘night’ since it ended at 1:20 in the AM,) my fellow blokes and I from the Gods of Light participated in the Improdome at the Peoples Improv Theater. We went incognito as the Vicious Spelunkers. We didn’t do half badly .Of course, we picked a night when there were an unprecedented number of teams (14!) and I didn’t return home until quarter of 3. Which, if you know and love me, you know is very late. It’s past my bedtime, is what I have to say.
So. Eat well. Don’t take any wooden nickels. And never fart upwind.
I find myself constantly asking the cosmos to explain things to me. Perhaps I’m too stupid to understand the phenomenon that is celebrity – perhaps it actually exists on a higher plane than I am on, and therefore I can only express my understanding of it with utter and undying contempt. Maybe I’m actually insane, while thousands of sheep scream their heads off on city streets if they happen to catch sight of Britney Spears driving a diamond encrusted Escalade down Broadway, wearing no shoes, Daisy Dukes and no thong, a blue bra (because we can see it, Britney spent all her money on the truck and can’t afford a bigger shirt) while smoking twelve cigarettes, drinking Ketel One from little nip bottles whilst threatening to throw her baby at the paparazzi if they don’t leave her and PapaZao (he so cool I want to take a crap in his mouth and slap his momma) alone, screaming, ” you’re endangering my child!”
But, honestly, I think that it’s the great masses of (dare I call them) human beings that are ca-razy. I’m perfectly sane and screaming to the voices in my head to kill 3 people, just THREE people!
By the way, on any given day, you can go here for proof that there is no God.
I, and many, many folks I know, have way too much already to be angry about on this round dirtball we call home. We honestly don’t need any more help. Thanks, we’re full.
Finally, I just need to say that there is one bit of entertainment that I am DYING to see. It’s a TV series type with infinite possibilities and subjects, and could spawn a whole new genre of entertainment. It would be great to actually have a reality TV show. Because what they call reality now is complete shit. I can’t come up with any flowery, clever language that expresses it better.
Here’s the proof: reality TV doesn’t need commentary, confessionals or reunion shows. And as soon as someone from a show is walking the red carpet, it’s no longer reality TV.
So suck my balls.